Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
