you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
