this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
