grandma shit on top of the toilet
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
True strength comes from lack of pants
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
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