So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
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