I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
