Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize
