She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I'm like, not good at living.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
