I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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