So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
