i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
