Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
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