Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
