the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
