how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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