I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
It was like getting head from an anaconda
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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