you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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