great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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