why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
