forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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