Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
