I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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