I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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