literally had 100 drinks last night.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
