Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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