I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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