from now on my penis is your penis
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
