Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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