you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Congratulations! We have a period
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