Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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