You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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