you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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