So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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