You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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