I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
