wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
