Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Randomize
