did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
