I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
