we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
