We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
