You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
