Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
