carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
