I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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