The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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