Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
