I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
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