I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
