i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
