I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Farmville is her only friend.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
