Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
